-Bisexual - Looking for Advice >> 2022

Hi everyone. I'm still getting used to Reddit, so apologies if I post something in the wrong spot.

I'm looking for some advice and maybe some clarity. For my entire life, I have been attracted physically to women. My body just reacts in a way that I can't control or deny. And I'm okay with that. It's taken me a long time to accept and face, but I have embraced it. I have also never been with a woman, physically or romantically, but could see it as a possibility.

I have also been attracted to men throughout my life. It just hasn't felt the same (physically) as it does with women. I've had serious relationships, feelings of romance, infatuation, giddiness, and excitement about the idea of being with a man. I enjoyed flirting with them and fantasized about being with them and being in relationships with them. It has been easy to see a future with them. The physical component just feels less instantaneous. Like other posts I've seen, I can't look at a male's physical form and be instantly turned on the way I can with women - I need foreplay to really get going. But I enjoy sex with men, and desire it. I hope that makes sense.

I (29 f) am currently engaged to my partner (29, m), and we have been together for 10 years. He really is everything to me. I have never felt a closeness, intimacy, or joy like this before. Being with him feels like coming home. He makes me feel so good. Despite that though, I'm very worried. While I think these feelings regarding sexuality and attraction have always been there, I haven't really acknowledged them until now. I am wondering if this is why sex has been good with him, but also something I have struggled with - maybe feeling internally guilty about a physical preference?

It feels like I've built up a lot of anxiety around all of this. I should also mention that I have recently been dealing with depression and a diagnosis of OCD that has impacted my life in a dramatic and debilitating way. I am seeing a therapist for this.

I have always felt really comfortable with the bisexual label, like it felt right for me. Recently, through more research, I have also seen myself in the term homosexual biromantic, with a tendency towards demisexuality towards men. I told my partner about my bisexuality years ago when I came to terms with it, and he has accepted me fully. I always thought that it was enough to acknowledge it, but I'm starting to wonder if I can ever be at peace in our relationship again. I really don't want to lose him and what we have, it's so rare.

I know no one will be able to validate these feelings for me or tell me what's going on, but I'm wondering if this is...a bisexual experience? I know sexuality can be fluid and ever changing, but I just don't know what to do with that I guess. I can see how my preferences have shifted from one end to the other over the years and back again. Can I continue a relationship with a wonderful male partner knowing that I'm more easily aroused by women? Am I overthinking things?

Thank you for reading.

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