Obstetrics - Having female reproductive organs makes me depressed- What is this? What can I do? (TW: suicide)

What is "Obstetrics " ?

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Obstetrics is the field of study concentrated on pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period. As a medical specialty, obstetrics is combined with gynecology under the discipline known as obstetrics and gynecology (OB/GYN), which is a surgical field.

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My experience over Obstetrics "Having female reproductive organs makes me depressed- What is this? What can I do? (TW: suicide)"

Hi guys, I am not too sure where to post this but I felt since obgyn’s deal with many gynecological complains you may know what this could be?

I have what I can best describe as an extreme discomfort with having female reproductive organs. I’ve thought it could be dysphoria, PMDD, phobia or a trauma response but I just can’t tell what it is I just know I need those organs out of me, at least partially (hysterectomy or bilateral oophorectomy.) But no doctor will ever do that to a healthy 18 year old especially when they don’t even know what the problem is. All I know the cause of the problem is the presence of the organs in my body so BC does not mitigate the problem, I tried.

Mentioning of them or anything mildly related to them sends me into a depressive spiral or panic attack. This discomfort with this part of my body occupies 80% of my thoughts and has led me to attempt suicide a multitude of times starting from the age of 12. I can’t leave the house for anything other than college/school and overall just can’t live like this. I’ve hated them since I found out they were there but it’s only getting worse and it’s affecting my life so detrimentally.

It’s constant so it can’t be PMDD though it does feel like a constant state of PMDD, the only reason I don’t like presenting feminine is because it relates to the organs (if I could just get rid of them and that’s all I’d be over the moon) so I don’t think it’s dysphoria and it seems to be too intense for a phobia and I can’t find anyone else with this phobia. As for it being a trauma response, I’ve been mentioning this problem in therapy for half my life and it’s only ever gotten worse, at the moment I think it is the sole reasoning for my bad mental health despite severe trauma. I feel if this issue can be solved with therapy, I am not going to be able to make another few years in therapy as I’ve already spent the most part of nine years in therapy with the problem only growing worse, I fear what will happen if this issue isn’t fixed soon.

(I research the pros/cons of each surgery and talk to individuals who’ve gone through them almost every night so I know the potential risks so please don’t try and convince me to not want to remove the organs. I will not regret it, if I did the level of discomfort I feel now would be much more severe than the regret. Before it’s suggested, I am in therapy and have been since I was very young.)

Has anyone got any ideas what this could be? How can I get doctors to approve me for a surgery?

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