Obstetrics - The letter I wrote to my doctor's, which lead me to approval for a tubal ligation at the age of 18:Health care

What is "Obstetrics " ?

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Obstetrics is the field of study concentrated on pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period. As a medical specialty, obstetrics is combined with gynecology under the discipline known as obstetrics and gynecology (OB/GYN), which is a surgical field.

My experience over Obstetrics "The letter I wrote to my doctor's, which lead me to approval for a tubal ligation at the age of 18"

To whomever this may concern,

My name is Staner. I am soon to hopefully be a patient of yours. I had an appointment planned for February of 2021 to speak with an OB/GYN over the phone, but I’m much better at writing out my feelings and wants rather than speaking them over the phone. This is to possibly save me some time on poorly explaining myself over the phone or in person unprepared and put out my points in a reasonable and understandable fashion for you. I hope you find the time to read this. Apologies if it becomes long.

I am unsure how much my doctor has explained to you. In case she didn’t, I am coming to you in hopes for a tubal ligation. I know my chances of actually getting the procedure done is slim because I am 18, but I would like for you to hear me out and listen to why I want one so badly.

This procedure is something I have wanted for a long time, from about the age of 8 or 9. I always knew I never wanted kids. I almost never played with baby dolls or pretended to be a mother as a kid. It has never been a desire of mine for as long as I can remember. The thought of having children stirs quite the negative emotion in me. I almost never spoke about getting a permanent surgery to my family as I did not fully know if there was one, but I fantasized about getting something done to no longer be able to carry children. Around the age of 12, I found out about what a tubal was and I had hope. What I had once thought was impossible was now possible. I did my research (Dr.Google) and found out that many women get turned away for a plethora of reasons, most popularly age. A large number of women who want to get the surgery must be above the age of 30, already have kids, have settled down and are out of their child bearing time. I lost hope. In January of 2020, I moved into my fathers house. I had a new horizon of possibilities available to me. I got a job, accepted into university, many good things began to come my way. One aspiration that resurfaced was my hopes for a tubal. I spoke to my dad about it and we got the wheels turning in your direction. You are my first and hopefully only attempt in getting this done.

You may be wondering why I am jumping to a tubal so young. Why no attempt at other birth control methods, why no obvious reason to get the procedure. To be completely fair, I have attempted all of the birth control options I am comfortable with and even some I am very not comfortable with. I tried pills, they made me extremely sick even on the lowest dosage. I attempted the patch and it also had me in the bathroom for hours throwing up with no relent. Any chemical hormone is a no go because of my reactions to the pill and the patch. The options with easy withdrawal are out the window. I won’t attempt the shot because I don’t know how I will react and taking hints from both the patch and the pill, I can imagine it won’t be good. I will not attempt IUD, ring or implants of any kind. I have an irrational ‘fear’ of implants and foreign objects inside of me for long periods of time. I don’t even have any piercings (Which I wish i could get, but know I will hate it) because of this. I avoid foreign objects with a passion. The thought of having an IUD/ring in me makes me want to rip my abdomen out. I wish I was exaggerating. I am unsure why it causes me so much discomfort, but it is mildly problematic. I avoid using tampons for the same reasons. (I tried tampons a few different times, each time I went about 30 minutes before going to the bathroom to take it out because it made me so uncomfortable mentally.) Also, I simply don’t trust barrier methods are their own. A tubal would be something that covers all bases and I trust it. To avoid the implants, I hope to receive either bipolar coagulation or fimbriectomy, both do not involve any kind of implants. A possible choice would also be Irving procedure if the sutures dissolve. The thought of being pregnant disturbs me. I do not like the idea of something alive being inside of me and growing, basically parasitizing me. I would most certainly get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. For me, getting a tubal once would be easier than ending possible life over and over again if need be.

I will not regret a tubal. As I once stated, I don’t and never have wanted biological children. There is nothing appealing to me about having or carrying children. The symptoms of being pregnant, the pain of giving birth, babies screaming and crying and being so delicate, children misbehaving or getting sick, having another person's life dependent on your own. I don't want any of that. I would much prefer to have MY own life and care for me rather than constantly worry about another being that I created. If I have a partner that is dead set on having children, we would consider adoption or a surrogate.If it is so detrimental that they have biological children, we obviously are not meant to be together and they can find someone who will. I am not sacrificing myself and my body for the love and wants of my partner.

Not to get too scientific and to step away from morality for a second, the world is also very overpopulated. There are hundreds of thousands of children in foster care and up for adoption that I would be much more willing to take in and care for rather than have my own biological children. So if rare events occur and I happen to regret my tubal, I can always fill the void with a foster child or an adopted child. One who craves to have children should and is able to love someone else's child just as much as they would love their own.

Since my first idea to get a tubal, I’ve realized I identify as non-binary. This realization has helped me to know more about myself and more about why I want a tubal so badly, it will help to increase my euphoria and not worry about the dysphoria that rises around pregnancy.

If this letter has no effect on your decision to allow me to have my dream fulfilled, I respect your decision as a doctor. You may see it as ethically wrong, but know that I take full responsibility for any regret I may feel. If you are unable to perform the tubal for me, just know I will keep looking until I find an OB/GYN who will. This is something I know I want, and have known for a long time. In the most polite way possible, you may help me, lead me in the right direction to someone who may help me or step aside and allow me to find someone myself. I respect your rights and morals as a doctor, but know I am a headstrong person and it is hard to turn me away from something I want. I have thought this out logically and even made a pros/cons list to help me decide. I have looked for insight in others and I remain on the same path. So I ask you to help shorten this journey of searching and allow me to have this procedure or allow me to go on my way and find someone who will finish this journey with me. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, Staner

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♥ " Thinking of you lots and hoping for your speedy recovery. "