healtth-care - Could use some love >> 2022

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I don’t really have anyone to talk to about any of this, because all of my friends are either still enjoying their early 30s being single or had an easy time getting pregnant. I could use some love/ advice/ whatever you’re willing to give.

We started our IVF journey in October 2020 after we found out my husband has low sperm count/ poor motility, etc. I had just turned 30 at the time, so we had a good number of eggs retrieved. We only ended up with one embryo, likely because (as we found out later) my husband has severe dna fragmentation (83%).

Luckily, our one embryo was genetically normal and our doctor has a really high success rate of 80% with PGS embryos, so we decided to do a few months of acupuncture to prep my body for transfer and then do an ERA.

ERA in January 2021 went perfectly and came back that I needed an extra 24 hours of progesterone. I got my period and we started estrogen… and then my father in law unexpectedly died.

We took a few months off to grieve and to give my husband time to get the handle on the family business/ deal with all the estate stuff.

In August 2021 we started the FET process again and everything was perfect. My lining was at 12.5 and looked great, but the day before the transfer I got my first yeast infection in a decade…. My doctor thought it would be best to cancel.

Then my period took 6 weeks to come and then my doctor had to switch practices and then it was the holidays. Fast forward to mid-January 2022 and we decided to do another ERA. The cycle again went great. Lining was thick and perfect, they got a great sample and then told me my results should take about 10 days to come back, so I stayed on progesterone to delay my period. 24 days later we finally got the results that I was receptive, so I stopped the progesterone, got my period and then we started estrogen for our FET.

Again, everything was perfect. At my first ultrasound my lining was 13 and looked great. I went in today expecting to be told we could start progesterone, BUT apparently there is now some fluid between the layers and the 3 lines are no longer apparent. They checked and I didn’t ovulate, but my doctor thinks it’s just too risky to move forward so we have to cancel again…

I just feel so heartbroken. Between the ERAs and the one cycle we had to cancel because of the yeast infection I have never had fluid in my lining before. I just don’t understand why all of these delays keep happening. I am so tired of existing in this limbo state. We haven’t failed, but we haven’t succeeded. We just can’t ever seem to move forward. At the same time, I feel like I’m killing myself to be perfect - I’m eating all organic, high protein (mostly plant based), healthy fats, no caffeine, no alcohol, no gluten and no refined sugar… I’m walking an hour a day instead of doing high intensity workouts…. I’m meditating 30 minutes a day… I’m doing weekly acupuncture, bi-monthly cranial sacral and Mayan abdominal massage.

I’m exhausted and I just don’t know if I can keep putting my body through this again and again. It just hurts my heart too much. And what’s the point if we can never move forward…

I just don’t know how to stay positive. I don’t know how to do this anymore. 😔

submitted by /u/Friendlylady711
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