Obstetrics - Do I have vaginismus or vaginal atrophy, and does it matter?:Health care

What is "Obstetrics " ?

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Obstetrics is the field of study concentrated on pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period. As a medical specialty, obstetrics is combined with gynecology under the discipline known as obstetrics and gynecology (OB/GYN), which is a surgical field.

My experience over Obstetrics "Do I have vaginismus or vaginal atrophy, and does it matter?"

I'm a 35-year-old woman and I've only had penetrative sex once, when I was 21. There was nothing traumatic about the experience, I didn't try anything I didn't want to try, but although there were a couple other men I attempted sexual things with, I never got around to Doing It again. And I never craved sexual experiences, or felt very much sexual attraction towards anyone, so mostly I just avoided dating because I didn't want to disappoint people. The last time I tried, I was 27, and he was the only man I felt both a deep sexual attraction towards and experienced sexual pleasure being with. But I simply could not make my hoo-ha cooperate. It was like hitting a wall.

I found out about vaginismus and started looking into getting a dilator kit. But I never did. It felt like too much effort and pain for something I didn't even want that much for my own sake. The guy was great about it, (he's in a very happy relationship with someone else now and we're still good friends), but I still felt deeply disappointed in myself that I couldn't do it.

I'd been aware from the time I was a teenager that my sex drive was lower than normal, but it wasn't until I was 30 that I realized I was asexual--sex-indifferent grey demisexual, if you want to get technical, but far closer to asexual than sexual. Finding out that I wasn't broken, just a sexual minority, brought me a lot of comfort, relief, and self-assurance. I'm not opposed to the idea of possibly having sex at some point again, but it's not something I'm actively seeking out. I'm happily abstinent, I haven't so much as kissed somebody in about five years, and I've never been more comfortable in my own skin.

The problem, though, is that I've experienced significant vaginal dryness for the past decade-ish. Estradiol cream helps, but I've determined that I'm still far dryer than normal for someone my age. And I've recently been experiencing bladder issues--not quite incontinence, but a persistent need to urinate and an inconsistent feeling of emptying my bladder. I got antibiotics for a UTI and they helped, but when I went for a recommended obgyn appointment to see if it was a hormonal or reproductive health issue, and she did a pap smear, it was so painful I cried.

She asked if I'd ever had a pap smear before. And was it always that painful? (Yes and yes.) She also said she had used the child-sized speculum. I said yes, that's what has been used on me in the past (and they're always surprised that it's painful). When I told her I wasn't sexually active, she said, "ever?" in this really judgmental tone, "what about tampons?" and when I said no again, she said she wasn't sure what my goal in the visit even was.

Like? What? My goal is to feel better? To pee normally? To make sure my hormones are where they're supposed to be so I don't complicate my physical or emotional health in other ways? She basically just told me to stay regular with my oral birth control (which I'd only been prescribed a year ago and apparently I'd been taking it incorrectly anyway) and check back in six months.

I went out to my car and cried. I used to think I was just a prude with vaginismus, but now I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing vaginal atrophy that is affecting other things in my body, and I don't know how to tell the difference or if the difference even matters, or what to do about it if it does matter. It looks like the treatment for either of these conditions is the same--just use those hoo-ha muscles and shove something up there until you get used to the pain. But is there nothing else that can be done? Do I have to basically f*** myself just so my bladder works?

If that's what I have to do, then that's what I'll do, but I guess I'm just sick of having to over-explain that I'm asexual and abstinent every time I try to address this.

submitted by /u/Amazing-Flower-1832
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♥ " Thinking of you lots and hoping for your speedy recovery. "